If there is no tooth fairy -- which I am NOT conceding, but for the sake of discussion, let’s just say: If there IS no tooth fairy -- or if she is unwilling or unable to perform her traditional duties -- then I want Congressional legislation providing for the bedside exchange of cash for children’s teeth. This legislation will launch a bold investment in our children. It will deliver money for food, education, and welfare directly to families with dependent children. It will provide economic stimulus to our troubled economy. After all, large numbers of jobs will be provided for personnel to schedule and coordinate individual deliveries (including optimal routing and work assignments), to make the actual deliveries, to create and manage a database of eligible children, as well as administering a program to certify eligibility of each child in accordance with whatever detailed requirements that are set forth by the legislation. Tens of thousands of jobs would be created!! We could even re-task elements of the Postal Service, thereby saving that great institution from obsolescence and demise!!! What a marvelous stimulus program!!! And I also want free health care!!